That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
