At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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