i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
