Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
