You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
