I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
