what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
