I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
