well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
