who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
