I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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