I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
