i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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