the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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