do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
