and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
