Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
