is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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