so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
