I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
