Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
