i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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