Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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