College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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