All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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