Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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