I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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