she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
