Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
