We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
