I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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