What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
