who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
