This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Randomize
