I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
