went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
