I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
