at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Soap is not a condiment
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
