He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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