she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
