i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
