I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
