his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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