I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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