im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
