I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
