I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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