I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I am morally bankrupt
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
