Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
