i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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