I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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