I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
