please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
