I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
