i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
